It's not me, it's you.

I enjoy doing what I love, and I enjoy escaping into that mood where nothing else exists and it's just me and my pencil. Scribbling away my worries in elegant strokes... So I find it hard when people say I can't do that. That i can't be myself and have to change who I am to be better or smarter. I have already made my mind up about life, I want to be an author, travel the world and meet new people. But people are telling me to be open to new experiences.
What?
But when I do experiments with chemicals I don't relax.
When I work out complex equasions I don't have so much fun.
When I'm running the oval five times I'm not euphoric or consumed, I'm puffing and in pain.
I don't love it, and I don't want to be something I don't like.
Someone told me to combine the giggly girl my friends see with the serious blog writer your listening too, but even then that wouldn't be me. Even if it were the better person, it isn't me. I don't want to be scociety's litle angel or the Sears covergirl. I want to be ME!
And if that means I don't fit in, I can handel that. if it means rejection, i've been there before, it's not something new and fresh.
But I can't bring myself to do it, there is still that strong part of me that wants to please others and make people happy. And that has been burnt into me, I can't erase it. No matter how many people there are to try and wipe me clean, that will always be there. I want to be myself, strong and independant, like a character in my stories, but I also want to be pleasing, not an outcast so people will accept me. I can't drop those things, they're both a part of me, and I can't let it go.
I don't want to let it go.